Know your strengths to prevent mummy burnout
One common and unhelpful mindset that befalls many modern women once they become mummies, is the notion that they now have to do everything, be everything, and compete in those arenas at a high level.
COMPETING IN TOO MANY ARENAS
To show up at work fully, as if they were still single without added responsibilities, to show up in the home juggling all the mental responsibilities of grocery shopping, putting meals on the table, managing the household or the helper, managing the in laws and their comings and goings, being a great wife, being a great friend to others, eating well for fertility, the baby, and actually growing babies from scratch, birthing them out, and ensuring they thrive.
This is a recipe for burnout.
Don’t even get me started on the medical responsibility of fertility resting squarely on just the woman when in actual fact in under 40 years men’s sperm counts in the developed world have halved.
THE MODERN FAMILY
In adopting the modern nuclear family “ideals”, we have left behind the resources easily available to us in the past (at the expense of a bit of meddling!), the village made up of our aunties, parents and grandparents. An unofficial network of food deliveries, home bakeries, ingredient mules, pair of hands, money, transport services, the likes.
DELEGATE, AND DELEGATE FAST!
I wasn’t immune to that mindset. I once held it, and I’m shaking it off surely and steadily. Fiercely roping in grandparents, the helper, aunties into key roles in my very own version of the matriarchy*, this side of town.
I have recently come to terms with the fact I’m more of a delegator than a doer. And knowing your predominant skill is key in leadership.
If you were to lead your family, you may want to use your precious resource of energy and time wisely so you show up your best for the children and husband, and the rest is on some sort of automation or delegation.
(And once you’ve done that, don’t look back.
Read on, on how to shake off mom guilt which sometimes can still bite you in the ass, while you’re busy being a mom boss!)
FOCUS ON YOUR STRENGTHS
So how do you avoid trying to compete and tire yourself out in trying to do everything?
Spend some time re-visiting what makes you you, and what your strengths are.
While weaknesses can be worked on, you might want to delegate things that tire you out (this for me is grocery shopping, book keeping, chores) in order you can do more of what you’re good at (and this for me is planning, dreaming, visioning, educating and being a fun mummy)
On a blank sheet of paper, stare into it hard, and scan your life from childhood onwards. Write down areas which energised you, where you lost the sense of time, where you experienced flow. Areas that you could talk for ages on, or skills that have got you to where you are today, that you find energising.
Rope in a parent, friend or your partner and focus on the top 3-5 traits that you are best at :)
When you have a clear idea of who you are, what you’re good at, you will be more likely to accept your failures the areas that you don’t need to perform so well in.
You will be better able to play as a team, or craft a team, in running your family with your partner.
GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION
And if you allow yourself, this little exercise could skyrocket. This daydreaming (important work!) could just unlock a deep passion you had, and could even turn your career decisions around and give you renewed energy and zest.
In my experience, this is a worthy exercise in targeting mummy burnout, and I hope it helps you too.
Nonetheless, the first step is always: addressing nutrient debt, hormone disorders and any health issues that may be contributing to low energy and motivation, so be sure to jump into the wonderful world of functional medicine, to sort these out, to unlock your vibrant new life!
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*Matriarchy not as an opposition or superiority argument but as a recognition of the role of the woman being central to society. We are after all, the heart of the family.